


Star Wars: The Fish Awakens

by eaglemouse



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-17 21:18:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5885548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eaglemouse/pseuds/eaglemouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Admiral Ackbar is getting on in years. But he’s not too old to attract the eye of a certain someone!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Star Wars: The Fish Awakens

 

            Poe Dameron approached the bar. “Hey there,” he said a little too loudly, grinning at the bartender. “I’ll have a Corellian brandy.”

            Across the room, a hooded figure raised her hand. “Another kyrf!”

            _“That’s her.”_ A fishy voice spoke into Poe’s ear, courtesy of a concealed earpiece. _“Did you hear her? She ordered the kyrf. That’s the person we’re looking for.”_

_I know,_ Poe thought irritably. _I know_ _that’s the person we’re looking for, you briefed me on this about eight times._ He thanked the bartender for the drink with a smile, hoping his annoyance didn’t show on his face.

            Poe walked over to the table and sat down across from the hooded figure, leaning back casually in his chair. “I hear you know a friend of mine,” he said, taking a huge swig of his drink.

            “I don’t know your friend,” the hooded figure said. “I know a guy who knows a guy who might know your friend. But before we get to that, there’s something we ought to discuss.”

            “Ah. Payment,” Poe said, leaning forward.

            “Not quite,” the hooded figure said, lowering her hood. “I wanted to let you know that you’re surrounded.”

            Poe’s glance darted around the room. There were at least a few blasters covertly trained on him. _Damn._ He had been vigilant, but not nearly vigilant enough .

            “Alright, you got me,” Poe said, raising his hands. “But here’s the deal. My vest is rigged with explosives. Now, I don’t want to explode, and you don’t want me to explode, either. So let’s all stay calm and I’m going to stand up and walk out of here.”

            “You’re bluffing,” the woman said. “The Republic would never stoop to such low tactics.” Was that a tremor Poe detected in her voice?

            “Ah, yeah, see, that’s the thing,” Poe said. “I don’t work for the Republic. I work for General Organa.” Without giving her time to think about that, Poe began to stand up.

            “  _IT’S A TRAP_ ,” Admiral Ackbar screamed into Poe’s ear.

            “WAH,” Poe screamed and fell backwards in his chair. Several blasters went off at once and Poe rolled under the table to avoid being in their line of fire.

            “ _GET OUT OF THERE! YOU’RE SURROUNDED!”_ Admiral Ackbar announced loudly.

            “I _know_! I _know_ that,” Poe shouted, covering his ears ineffectually. “Would you stop _screaming_?” Poe stood up under the table and used it as a shield to run towards the door, knocking civilians out of the way as he ran. He  dodge-rolled under the table and out the door.

            “ BB-8, prepare us for liftoff!” Poe shouted. He scrambled into his  X-Wing Fighter as BB8 started the engine. The spacecraft took off.

            “ _YOU MADE IT OFF THE PLANET_ ,” Admiral Ackbar proclaimed.

            Poe tore the earpiece out of his ear and  threw it on the floor.

#

            Gial Ackbar rested his head in his fin-hand and sighed despondently. It was hard, commanding the troops. It was hard and nobody understood.

            “Yousa look like yousa be stressed,” said a  voice.

            “Senator Jar Jar,” Gial said in greeting.

            "Yousa look like you needa strong drink. Mesa rub your back.”

            “That’s quite alright, Senator. I appreciate your concern, but it’s been a trying day, that’s all. I’ll be alright,” said the Mon Calamari.

            He felt Senator Jar Jar’s four-fingered hands on his shoulders, rubbing gently. “Mesa no think  you should work youself so hard. Not be good at our age.”

            “What can I do for you, Senator?” Gial said, in an effort to remind Jar Jar that theirs was a professional  relationship.

            “Mesa come for informations. Senate be voting on Resistance funding someday soon. Mesa need know what the Resistance be doing to counter the First Order so mesa can ask for funds.”

            “I’ll tell you what I can, but as you know that’s classified—”

            General Organa appeared on Gial’s monitor. “Admiral—” Seeing Jar Jar, she broke off in confusion. “Er, Senator,” she said, nodding. “Am I interrupting?”

            “Of course not, General,” Gial said. “What news?”

            “I’m afraid a squadron of Mon Calamari has been attacked in the Borderlands,” the General said. “We believe the attackers are with the First Order, although they claim to be acting independently. I thought you’d want to be kept abreast of the situation.”

            Gial shook Jar Jar’s warm hands off of his shoulders. “Connect me to the head pilot,” he said, all business.

            “Is that you, Admiral?” a familiar voice asked.

            “Bill” Gial exclaimed. “Congratulations on your command!”

            “Congratulate me once I get us all out of this, Admiral,” Bill said grimly. “They’re attacking us with  marinara sauce. Two of our  X-Wing Fighters are already out of commission.”

            Gial drew in his breath. “The fiends!” he yelled, fish eyes bulging. He turned apologetically to Jar Jar. “Senator, I’m afraid we’ll have to continue this later. Some urgent business has come up.” He spoke loudly and directly into the microphone. “Get out of there! Get out of there! _It’s a_   _trap_ _, you’re under attack, leave the vicinity at once!_ Pilot your ship _away_ from the marinara sauce, _away_ from the marinara sauce…”

            “Mesa have some urgent business as well,” Jar Jar said understandingly. “But Admiral…”

            “Yes, Senator?”

            “We _will_ continue this later,” Jar Jar said. Admiral Ackbar turned back to the mission at hand. He pretended not to notice the hunger in Jar Jar’s  eyes.

#

            The Starkiller Base had exploded. Han Solo was  dead. Gial needed a drink.

            He was in a bar near the Resistance headquarters when a familiar figure wandered in.

            “Jar Jar,” Gial breathed, resenting the shiver that rose up his spine at the sight of the approaching Gungan. Without asking permission, Jar Jar walked up to the table and pulled up a chair.

            “Howsa  you like that?” Jar Jar asked, grinning. “The Starkiller Base, eh? Must have been busy day for  yousa.”

            “What are you doing here, Jar Jar?” Gial asked in as businesslike a voice as he could muster. “You should be with our allies in the Republic trying to repair the damage caused by the First Order.”

            “Sounds like yousa not happy to see me,” Jar Jar said, leaning over the table. His duckbill was close, so tantalizingly close. Images surged through Gial’s mind unbidden. He  gulped.

            “I am happy to see you,” he admitted. “I’m just not sure why you’re here.”

            “Mesa here on business.” Jar Jar grinned mischievously. “But mesa not above mixing business with  pleasure.”

            “Jar Jar,” Gial sighed. He meant for it to sound reproachful, but he could not keep a note of longing out of his voice. Jar Jar’s wink told him that it hadn’t gone unnoticed.

            “Mesa get  you a drink,” Jar Jar said, standing up. He came back to the table holding two Lokkian Booster Blasts. Gial blushed. _He remembered my drink_   _order_ _._

            “Yousa not answer my messages,” Jar Jar said reproachfully.

            “I’ve been busy,” Gial said, his large eyes downcast.

            “Mesa see that,” Jar Jar said. “Yousa relay messages, organize pilots. Yousa not get enough credit for all you do here. Why, without yousa, the Resistance would be…” Jar Jar trailed off, waving a hand dismissively.

            “You give me too much credit,” Gial said stiffly. “My efforts are nothing compared to those of General Organa.”

            “Wesa all know the General is valuable,” Jar Jar said, nodding. “But yousa, if mesa may be so bold, is the most underrated Resistance officer. Mesa not only one who is thinking this.”

            Gial took a sip of his drink to compose his thoughts. “Thank you, Jar Jar.”

            “No need to thank mesa,” Jar Jar said impatiently. “Is only truth. Mesa no flatterer.” Jar Jar stared deeply into Gial’s eyes; Gial felt a surge of heat through the base of his spine. “Anyway, as mesa say before, mesa come here on business,” Jar Jar said. “Mesa bring important legislation to the General, see what she say. Mesa want your opinion too.”

            “Legislation?” Gial said, blinking, disoriented. _Ah, yes. Business._ “What legislation?”

            “Top secret,” the Senator said. “Mesa no can discuss it here. But mesa show you the legislation if you come with me.”

            “W-well,” Gial stuttered. “I’ll, er, that is--”

            “Come with me,” Jar Jar said, rising from the table. The admiral hesitated for a moment before he  followed.

#

            “These are… your  quarters?” Gial said uncertainly.

            “Top secret legislation,” Jar Jar said, unlocking the door. “Mesa no carry around. Is dangerous.”

            “Alright,” Gial said, following Jar Jar into the room. Jar Jar walked to his desk and removed a disk, inserting it into the room’s holoprojector. Shimmering blue text appeared in the air in front of the two beings.

            “Read it,” Jar Jar commanded softly.

            Gial approached the shimmering text, beginning to scan it. It was something to do with agricultural subsidies. _Why is this top secret?_ It was so dull he could barely focus.

            Jar Jar’s hot breath tickled the back of his neck.

            Gial’s mind froze. He reread the same sentence six times without understanding the sound or the meaning, and Jar Jar’s breath was warmer and closer. He gave up on reading. He stood as still as stone, waiting.

            “Mesa want  you.”

            “Jar Jar,” Gial half-whispered, half-moaned. Jar Jar’s hands crept around his waist. He felt himself being pulled back, away from the text. Towards the bed.

            “Jar Jar, what are you--”

            “Don’t think,” Jar Jar breathed, his hands moving downwards.

            “No!” Gial wrenched himself away. “If the Battle of Endor taught me anything, it was to _think_ before I act.”

            Jar Jar blinked. “You must make split decisions in the heat of battle. What do you do then?”

            “In the heat of battle I sometimes have no other choice but to follow my instincts,” the Admiral admitted.

            “Then follow your instincts now,” Jar Jar said, waving his hands for emphasis. “You know what you want to do.”

            Jar Jar was right. Gial _did_ know what he wanted. But if he listened to his instincts… something about this didn’t feel…  right.

            “You sound different,” Gial said, staring intently at Jar Jar. “And why… are you waving your hands like that?”

            Jar Jar reached into his robes and pulled out a lightsaber.

            Gial’s body sprang to attention. “It’s a  trap!” he shouted.

            Jar Jar’s lip curled, his reptilian eyes narrowing. “You’re stronger than I expected,” he said, approaching Gial. The voice that Gial knew so well had turned cold, sinister, grammatically  correct.

            Gial staggered backwards. “But… Jar Jar?”

            “You didn’t know humble little old _mesa_ could use the force,” Jar Jar said, continuing forward. Gial backed into the window. Jar Jar continued in a sinister, mocking, singsong tone: “Mesa been _very_ discreet. Mesa pulling all the strings from behind the scenes. You think outcast gungans just _become_ Senators of the Republic, much less stay in power for as long as I have?”

            “Why are you doing this,” Gial gasped, his finned hands scrabbling at the windowlatch.

            “Because,” Jar Jar said with a cruel grin, “mesa not just Jar Jar, Gungan senator. _Mesa Emperor_   _Snoke_ _!_ ” He pulled out a Snoke hand puppet. He had to fumble with his lightsaber for a moment to get the puppet on his lightsaber-wielding hand, and that gave Gial the opening he needed to dive out of the window into the lake below

            Jar Jar was semi-aquatic as well, but as a Mon Calamari Gial had a slight edge under water. He began to swim frantically towards the shore. Jar Jar was in hot pursuit, his modified lightsaber making a peculiar vibrating sound as it cut through the water.

“            _Yousa_ can’t swim very far!” Jar Jar screamed through the water. “I’ll make fishpaste out of you, you overgrown  guppy!”

Gial’s mind was racing. He needed to get the upper hand. He darted behind a nearby rock formation and swam downwards, looking for a good place to lie in wait.

            Jar Jar began circumnavigating the rock formation. “Do you really think you can _hide_?” he said, his eyes looking in every direction. A light began to approach him from below.

            It was Gial, powering through the water and holding a purple lightsaber!

            “You’re not the only one with a lightsaber!” Gial crowed. Jar Jar quickly spun in the water; head down, he was in a position to block Gial’s blade. Undaunted, Gial retreated and then quickly kicked towards Jar Jar from a different  angle.

            “ You can’t beat me,” Jar Jar hissed. “You can’t use the force.”

            “Says who?” Gial said. A look of uncertainty crept into Jar Jar’s eyes. “Now that I have your attention,” Gial said, flipping over Jar Jar to attack him from behind, “what’s this about Emperor Snoke?”

            “Snoke is a character,” Jar Jar said. He was now on the defensive, shielding himself from Gial’s rain of blows. “A hologram I use to manipulate the easily manipulated. I have the entire First Order in the palm of my hand, yet I preserve my role as the innocuous senator, Jar Jar Binx.”

            “You know the word ‘innocuous,’” Gial said. “You’re not at all who I thought you  were.” His stomach twisted and turned cold with betrayal, and he renewed his attack with vigor.

            Gial’s pattern of attack was becoming apparent, and the Emperor Snoke hand puppet grew more prescient by the moment. Jar Jar began to block with greater confidence. If the Admiral left his guard down for a moment, he would have his opening.

            Suddenly a net descended from above! Poe Dameron appeared in a diving  suit!

            “We’ve caught you, evil Emperor Snoke,” he said, pulling on a rope attached to the net to pull Jar Jar to the surface. “Thank you for your work, Admiral.”

            “IT WAS A  TRAP,” Gial announced.


End file.
